What would happen if extraordinarily famous historical people applied for jobs today? Would Elon Musk hire Sir Isaac Newton? Would The Guardian take on Joan of Arc? We posed as a modern day Napoleon Bonaparte keen to deploy his skills in public relations, to find out.
"We're looking for an established, creative and highly-energised Senior PR Manager with significant experience either working in house or within an agency. We are a bold brand building not just a company but a new market: alumni management software - so want someone who reflects our spirit and ambition. A tenacious and hard-working PR professional, the perfect candidate will have all the discipline of a PR pro - impeccable discipline and organisation, the ability to work in a fast-paced environment, paired with bigger strategic, creative thinking." Enterprise Alumni
NAPOLI BONARTE - AKA NAPOLEON BONAPARTE - COVERING LETTER
My dear Hiring Manager
I read with interest your advertisement for a Senior PR Manager and I would like, in the name of France, to apply.
I was born and raised in a noble family with impeccable discipline. I was expected to study in military academies and become an officer. But I knew that a PR revolution was just around the corner.
I was a brilliant student who was also very aware of the fast-paced political and social changes taking place around me. I was creative and highly-energised. I was greatly influenced by the writings of enlightenment philosophers like Voltaire and Diderot, who questioned authority.
After the PR revolution broke out, I was appointed as deputy of French National Assembly Magazine and later as the marketing manager of French Army Monthly. I was a brilliant brand building leader who defeated many of my PR opponents. My campaigns showed my genius. I bewildered my opponents with my rapid PR movements. This naturally made me very popular.
Like any great leader, I am highly ambitious and want to be the best in everything that I do. I have spirit and ambition. It was this desire to excel in every field that led me to become a PR pro.
However, I would institute many reforms in PR, starting with a complete overhaul of PR training. I would also centralize governance, reorganize banking and education, support the arts, and improve relations with the pope.
I am willing to do whatever it takes to get clients and brands the attention they deserve. Sometimes I have let it appear that they have even defeated me in the Battle of PR.
I am very strategic and creative thinking with my PR strategies. I have run huge teams, expanded into new territories and coped with disastrous losses. Avoid the Russian market, would be my advice.
These are the PR lessons that PR pros can learn from me:
You have to create your own opportunities. Very few people get an opportunity to become a PR pro, especially when people are conspiring against you
You have to be ambitious. I am a man who wants to rule the PR world like an emperor
You have to be smart with your PR moves. By proactively creating my own news, for example, I turn my defeats into victories. Even your greatest missteps do not have to become your Waterloo
I am currently located offshore. A remote working arrangement would suit me best. Traveling to an office would take some significant effort.
And now adieu. Would that I could press you to my heart.
I look forward to hearing from you.
UPDATE: RESPONSE FROM EMPLOYER
Thank you so much for your interest and for taking the time to apply for the Senior PR Manager position. We just wanted to let you know that we received your application, and that we're looking forward to reviewing it.
Have a great day!